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When to speak up and when to shut up
My 4-step PTSD framework to improve business communication and avoid speaking up when it's wiser not to
Hello to the 2,423 subscribers who read Consulting Intel!
One thing you should know about me is that I studied the classics back in high school. I was deep into the humanities, reading about ancient Greece and Rome, immersing myself in mythology, philosophy and history, translating from old Greek and Latin (then I took a U-turn and studied computer engineering at university, but that’s a topic for another time.)
One story that always stuck with me was the myth of King Midas. Everyone knows the guy for his golden touch, but there’s more to him.
After being granted the power to turn everything into gold, Midas found himself judging a music contest between Apollo, the god of music, and a satyr named Pan who thought he could outplay a god.
Now, common sense would tell you: don’t piss off a god. Midas, however, couldn’t help himself: he sided with Pan, despite Apollo being the clear winner. Apollo, furious at this ridiculous decision, punished Midas by giving him donkey ears: that was a humiliating reminder of his poor judgment.
Sometimes, speaking out when you don’t have all the facts - or just to be heard - can land you in trouble.
I have seen this happen in business too, more times that I could count: people rush to share their opinion, eager to prove they are on top of things.
I remember watching this guy in a meeting, a few years back.
His boss was trying to explain how a specific client session should be held, what key messages to give and what type of questions to ask the audience, at a make-or-break moment for the project. This guy couldn’t stop cutting in, offering his opinion, trying to show how smart he was. Every time his boss tried to speak, he interjected. You could see the frustration building on his boss’ face until he, finally and unsurprisingly, snapped: “Would you just shut up and listen for a second?”
He couldn’t. And that’s when the meeting went sideways.
The guy lost the chance to contribute meaningfully and he lost the trust of his boss. All because he did not know when to zip it.
Now, let’s go back to my high school days to contrast that type of behavior with Odysseus, the Greek hero.
Odysseus wasn’t the strongest or the fiercest, but he was the smartest. He knew the power of silence, of waiting, of observing. I have always been fascinated by the relationship between Achilles and Odysseus: they fought side by side in the Trojan War, but they couldn’t have been more different.
Achilles was the ultimate warrior: strong, impulsive, driven by pride and emotion. Odysseus instead was more of a strategist. He didn’t rush into battle, he waited, observed, and only made his move when the time was right.
It’s why Odysseus survived the war, while Achilles’ anger ultimately led to his downfall.
Once I witnessed a heated discussion between two senior leaders in a boardroom over the decision to hire another senior leader at the firm. The room was so tense everyone in there could feel it. Both sides were throwing punches (figuratively), trying to win over the rest of the room, and every attendee was keen to offer his or her input.
But there was one guy sitting in the middle. Silent. He didn’t say a word, didn’t offer his opinion. At first, it seemed like he was being passive, but later it became clear he was holding his cards close to his chest. By not taking sides early, he was able to remain neutral, avoid getting pulled into the fight, and ultimately steer the discussion when everyone had calmed down.
Sometimes silence is your strongest move.
(By the way, that guy was me. Also, can you please share this newsletter with your friends? It’s nice to see it getting bigger and bigger! 🙏)
Let me give you PTSD
In business, knowing when to speak and when to stay quiet is a skill that can make or break relationships. We all feel the urge to jump in, to prove we know what’s going on, or to push our point of view. But sometimes, it’s better to hold back.
Like Midas learned the hard way, opening your mouth at the wrong time can make you look like an ass.
Silence is not weakness. It’s strategy.
Next time you are in doubt, follow this simple framework - my trademarked PTSD communication framework:
1) Pause – channel your inner Odysseus
Odysseus was the master of patience and timing.
He didn’t rush into decisions or conversations and always paused to assess the situation before making his move. If you have never heard about his encounter with Polyphemus, you should.
The lesson we can learn from him is that, sometimes, holding back for a moment gives you the clarity you need.
In meetings or discussions, pause before responding. Give yourself 3-5 seconds to breathe, absorb what’s been said, and gather your thoughts. Just like Odysseus, who avoided rushing into battle, you will find that patience pays off.
2) Think – avoid the Achilles’ impulse
Achilles was powerful, but impulsive.
His downfall came from reacting in the heat of the moment, especially when he let his rage drive his actions. If you rush to speak without thinking, you risk causing unnecessary conflict or, worse, derailing the conversation.
Before speaking, ask yourself: “Is what I’m about to say necessary?” Like Odysseus, be the strategist.
Consider if your words will move things forward or just stir things up.
I was born and raised in Italy, and lived there for 20 years before emigrating: you must believe me when I say this was very hard to achieve for me!
3) Speak – make it count, like Odysseus
When Odysseus spoke, it was always with purpose. He didn’t waste words.
When, back in Ithaca, he finally revealed his identity after years of being away, it was not for drama: it was a strategic move to regain his throne. The same principle applies in business: when you speak, make sure it’s with purpose.
Once you have paused and thought it through, speak clearly and concisely.
You don’t need to say a lot to make an impact: like Odysseus, a few well-chosen words at the right time can steer the conversation in the right direction.
4) Deliver - execute, don’t just talk
Odysseus not only spoke wisely, but he backed his words with action. He delivered.
In business, too, you need to follow through on what you say, proving that your words are not empty. After speaking, ensure that your actions align with your words. If you have offered a solution or a suggestion, be ready to support it with follow-up.
In the long run, people respect those who deliver on what they promise.
PTSD (the Pause-Think-Speak-Deliver framework) is simple:
Pause to avoid impulsiveness;
Think to ensure your words have purpose;
Speak only when it adds value;
Deliver on your words.
That way, you can avoid the pitfalls of being too hasty like Achilles or too vocal like King Midas, who lost more than he gained by speaking up at the wrong time.
Next time you are in a meeting, listen more.
Speak wisely.
And every now and then, just shut the f*ck up.
✍ The Management Consultant
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Love the connection with myth and personal stories. 'Pausing' itself is a skill when communicating. Although, outside of work, it can come off as insincere in normal conversations. Found myself saying 'No, I want to think about it' many times.